Are you willing to bare it all for authenticity and a good story?

Storytelling and authenticity

One of the most powerful elements of effective storytelling is that it be personal
– a real story
that happened to a real person
– in real life
– and that person, ideally should be you.

There are cases where you are affected by someone else’s story
– someone else in your organisation,
in your friendship group,
in your industry.

Either way it is a real person in real life and that means

“baring it all” –

all the faults, all the failures, all the foibles.

If the story is about others then we need, if necessary, to get permission, and to be careful of their reputation.

For many of us telling our own story means one of two things

either we would no-way, no-how share those shameful, ugly things that we are having difficulty owning for ourselves let alone sharing them in public, destroying our credibility and reputation, not to mention our equanimity and mental health

“How could I possibly have anything to share? I’m just ordinary – nothing special ever happens to me. Besides, if I do, they’ll think I’m big-noting myself and I’ll never engage or persuade them.”

And so the world wears masks (no, not the Covid ones, though many do wear those too!!)

masks of a perfect, “instagram influencer” life,

and uses rational, logical argument

thereby losing the opportunity for deep, powerful connection with those they seek to help, support, offer a better life,

and the opportunity to makes sales, gain clients, inspire and change the world.

I am reminded of the dichotomy that we all face, in public speaking, between “performing” and being “authentic.”

Many of my clients come to me because they are deterred from speaking by their fear of “performing” this thing called public speaking, fear of not adequately meeting some set of criteria, and of losing their self and their real message in that performance.

Many of you will know how much of a struggle the dichotomy has been for me. I spent many years entering (and winning my fair share) of public speaking competitions. It is a world unto itself, competitive public speaking, bound by rules, and it involves speaking knowing that one is being judged (a nervous beginner’s worst nightmare, and daunting for the old hands as well!).

So for all those years I operated within that world and its rules, doing well, but constantly feeling the weird dislocation of communicating with an audience via a strict set of guidelines.

It has been incredibly liberating to give up the concept of being judged as a performer.

But still the dichotomy remains – authenticity is vital and yet performance has to be factored in. They must still be in balance.

And for me, and for many others like me, there is also the strange “lure” of performance, of the safety of a mask, threatening to pull that balance awry in a different direction.

After lots of experience and deliberation, of coaching people who do need to reach an audience – to persuade, to influence, to impact, to inspire,

some of them having lived through horrible times for which they were shamed, marginalised,

others, more ordinary perhaps, who just want to be real, without performing or wearing a mask

to connect and really engage with their audiences.

I have put together a list of 4 basic but incredibly effective ways you can tell powerful, connecting stories that allow you to be the real you without ever compromising your reputation, your brand

your message

or your results.

The story needs to be in the final stages at least.

You need to be in recovery. Emotion and passion are vital in storytelling, but you need to be able to control them.

And you need to have created an epiphany for yourself, a use for the story, a lesson that can be shared.

You have gone on the journey, found a way forward and now you have come back to share that way forward for others.

And this in no way means a hugely damaging experience, though it may for some, and recovery storytelling that we do in groups is a hugely healing and beautiful experience.

For many of us though, it’s true – we HAVE lived ordinary lives. And yet in those ordinary lives lie the seeds of stories that can be used in your presentations.

2. The secret is to set out with a goal in mind and tell the stories from your life that support your goal.

3. And no, it doesn’t mean baring your ugliest, most shameful moments. It means telling the story of triumph over challenge and the life/business/leadership lesson you can share from it.

4. And no, you don’t have to be an “instagram influencer”: highlighting your perfect life, but you can use ways to weave in other elements that help you with your presentation, your branding and your message.

use humour – the best is self-effacing. It also highlights your strength in sharing this event – the depth of your recovery and triumph (even if it’s as simple as learning a new way to cook, or how to ride a bike
set the stories, if you can, within your branding – authentic, real and effective
introduce a note of credibility – mention your credentials in a humble way within the presentation of the story.

I read an article yesterday from Scientific American, and it, too, was dealing with a dichotomy, but one I had never seen before. The author had this to say about authenticity,

a number of studies have show that people feel most authentic when they conform to a particular set of socially approved qualities, such as being extroverted, emotionally stable, conscientious, intellectual and agreeable.

and yet

From a psychological science standpoint, a person is considered authentic if she meets certain criteria. Authentic people have considerable self-knowledge and are motivated to learn more about themselves. They are equally interested in understanding their strengths and weaknesses, and they are willing to honestly reflect on feedback regardless of whether it is flattering or unflattering.

I found that very, very interesting, though understandable.

It’s important for us to fit in with our tribe, our culture.

Equally important for us as speakers and storytellers to be seen to fit in with the tribe, the culture, of our audiences.

And if we are to be seen as believable, as someone to trust and whose advice they could follow, whose experience they could appreciate, we need to be seen as that person who is willing to learn, who is open to feedback.

I believe that the quick list I put together earlier really gives us the opportunity to be those very things,

using story.